Stay-at-Home Mom vs. Working Mom

my vocation as mom

When I was in college, when asked what my career goal was, I would often respond with "stay-at-home mom".  Of course, I wasn't getting my degree in motherhood (and a degree is hardly necessary anyway, I fully believe that women are made with some pretty amazing mothering instincts).  Like any practical young woman, I didn't know when (or even if) I would ever get married and have children, so I was preparing for my future in the best way I could at the time, by simultaneously preparing myself for marriage and motherhood and a career in education.  The responses I received to my reply were always shocking, no matter how often I heard them.  More times than I can count, I was told that I was wasting scholarship money that could have been used for someone who would actually better society because of it.  (Who cares that my children are more likely to attend college because I have a degree?)  I was told that I was too intelligent to waste my life at home. (Coincidentally, I also often heard that I would waste my intelligence by being a teacher.  So you want morons teaching your children?)  I also got some pretty nasty comments from other women along the lines of "It's women like you that are holding the rest of us back by playing into the stereotype of women at home."  (And to think, all along I though feminism was about allowing to women to make choices, not about forcing women out of the home against their will!)

Now that I have a daughter and am a stay-at-home mom, I'm doing a very unexpected thing.  I'm going back to work.  Tomorrow will be my first day as a substitute teacher.  True, I will only be working one or two days a week, but working part-time is enough to be considered a working mother.  So, I stay at home AND I work, and I have a feeling that I'm in good company.  Now, more than every before women truly have choices regarding balancing work and family.  Some women still work outside of the home full-time and others still stay-at-home, but there is a growing number of women who do a little of both and even more that are work-at-home moms of some sort, selling homemade items out of their home, answering phones calls, and, well, blogging.  

So, why do I stay at home? There are many reasons women stay at home and I have a feeling that none of my reasons are all that original.  I stay at home for practical reasons - believe it or not, it's actually more economical for me to be at home than to work.  Even if I were to get a full-time teaching job, the starting teaching salaries in the area aren't much more than I would be paying in daycare (not to mention gas).  Add to that the money I save my family by having time to make homemade household products, fresh homemade meals, and couponing and the money I earn with online survey and rewards sites and we probably come out a little ahead.  I also stay home because I feel that it is my vocation.  I love spending time with my daughter, being her teacher and caregiver.  Do children who have more personalized attention at home (whether with mom, dad or grandma) do better than their peers at daycare?  It depends on which study you look at; however, I firmly believe that no one can understand a child and his individual development and needs more than his parents.  I don't just stay at home for my daughter though, I also stay at home because of my vocation as wife.  It brings me great joy to create a warm environment for my husband to come home to and be able to accomplish household tasks while he is at work so we can spend our time when he is at home as a family.

in good hands with Daddy when Mama's gone

Why do I work? My husband is graduating next month with his Ph.D. He has already finished (and defended) his dissertation and only has to go into school a couples a times a week.  Because of this, he is free to stay home with our daughter while I substitute teach a few days a week.  We are living on my husband's small grad student stipend and the ability to substitute means that I am able to help relieve some of our financial stress and save up in case David doesn't find a job right away.  Many women work because it's a financial necessity and their ability to do so is an incredible blessing to their families.  However, I truly believe that for most (two parent) families, it is possible for the wife to stay at home if they are willing to make great financial sacrifices.  (If we can do it on a measly grad school stipend....)  But finances aren't the only reason women work, and it's not the only reason I am either.  I'm working because I love teaching and miss being in the classroom.  I like being able to add to my resume in case I want to look for a more permanent teaching position in the future, either because I have to support my family or simply because I want to work again.  For some reason, moms are shamed when they admit this, but I will tell you that work away from home is fulfilling for me.  I also feel that getting out of the house is good for me (and good for David and Lucia to have some time alone together).  

I have the utmost respect for mothers who work and mothers who stay at home.  Like all other parenting decisions, parents have the sole right and responsibility to decide what is best for their families.  I myself was raised by a working mom and spent my days with my grandmother.  My own mother has already offered to retire to watch Lulu if we move back to Colorado and I want to get a teaching position.  Maybe I will take her up on that, because I believe that grandmothers might have an edge on even mothers when it comes to caring for children! 

This is the first time I'm joining a Bright Maidens topic.  If you aren't yet acquainted with the Bright Maidens, check them out on Facebook and Twitter!

What are you waiting for?

Outdoor entertaining ideas

Source: realsimple.com via Mandi on Pinterest

My life is full of excuses, but the one I recently seem to always be using is our apartment.  I enjoy having people over, love planning parties, pin tons of DIY crafts, and decorate and redecorate my home in our mind.  But because we live in a small apartment, I’ve put these things off into the future.  Now that David is pursuing a post-doc, buying a home has once again been pushed into the future.  A post-doc is temporary, usually one to three years.  And since he didn’t receive either of the high-paying fellowships he applied for, any post-doc he receives will still be rather low-paying. 

Why would I have to have a house to do this? My next craft attempt.

Source: makeit-loveit.com via Mandi on Pinterest

This isn’t what we were hoping for, but knowing that this is the direction we are going to take has been freeing.  Freeing in the sense that it’s forced me to realize that I need to stop waiting and start doing.  Of course this small apartment will never be our dream home, but it can stop being an apartment and start being a home.  We can’t have a dinner party, but we can have a couple or two over.  And we can plan a party at a park or at the apartment pool.  It’s more difficult to embark on DIY projects when there isn’t an area I can leave out supplies while working on it, but that just means I’ll have to pick projects that can be done in one sitting (which will improve my completion rate too).  And what better way to hone my decorating skills that to work with small, awkward spaces? 

This is my real life.  (And it’s a good life.)  Why wait any longer to make it my own?

What are you waiting for?  What’s holding you back?

7 Quick Takes Friday (Take 54): Making Money Online Edition

Today is my first day "back" to work at substitute teacher orientation. Although it's not like I haven't been working these past several months.  I'm not just talking about housework and taking care of a baby (and those are work!).  I've also found several ways to make money online while staying home.  I usually make about $50 a month with online survey and rewards sites and another $30 or so through blogging.  It isn't a lot, but every little bit helps.  A few other women have expressed some interest in learning about some of the ways I make money, so this week's Quick Takes is a quick run down of some of my favorite money making sites.  If you want more specifics, don't hesitate to leave a comment, email me, write me on twitter or facebook, etc.  I'd be happy to help.  And if you have some of your own money making secrets, do tell!

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Swagbucks and Superpoints. (Superpoints no longer exists.)  I've currently written two posts with some detailed advice about how to use these two.  These are the main rewards sites I use and I make the most consistent money with them ($5 in Amazon gift cards 2-4 times per month on each site = $20-$40 per month) .

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My favorite survey site is Pinecone Research (Springboard America is next in line)   I only take one or two surveys with them a month, however, each time you take a survey (usually 10-15 minutes), a check for $3 is sent to you within a few days.  This is much better than other sites that often have a 30 minute survey for $0.50 and/or you have to earn at least $20 before you can cash out your money.

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Other survey sites.  I've joined several survey sites over the past few years and found the ones over time that work best for me.  Don't try too many that you get overwhelmed, but do try several and see which ones you like better based on prizes available, how many points you can earn from each survey, how often you receive surveys, the payout minimum, how visually appealing, fun and user-friendly the surveys are, etc.  You can always close accounts you don't like; I always stay a part of a survey site until I can cash out what I've earned and then close the account if I though it wasn't worth my time.  Some other survey sites I use (and like): MySurvey, MyView, Valued Opinions,  And I just joined PollBuzzer so I don't have any personal feedback on it, although I hear that it is pretty great, with a $1 payout for each question you answer (not sure how often you get questions).

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Bloggers, listen here: If you don't mind writing sponsored posts once in a while, you should join SocialSpark.  I will only write sponsored posts that I can somehow relate to my blog, so I often turn down offers (some with payouts as high as $60 per post), yet I still have made $45 on sponsored posts in the less than 2 months since I've joined.  And if you do join, here's a little hint to help you: check the site often because you have more chances to write posts if you accept leads (these let the companies know you are interested before formal offers go out).  These aren't always sent to your email so checking once a day or so gives you a better opportunity to get offers.  (I've also heard good things about SponsoredTweets, which is by the same people as SocialSpark, but I have no personal experience with them - yet!) Update: SocialSpark has since become IZEA.

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If you shop online even just once in a while, it's worth it to start accounts with Ebates, ShopatHome.com, and MyPoints.  With Ebates and ShopAtHome, you get a certain percentage of your purchase back if you shop through the site (go their first, search for the store you want to shop from and then purchase you items through the window that pops up) and you'll get a check when you reach a certain amount of cash back.  Some stores are only available through one or the other, or have a higher percentage at one, so I've found it useful to belong to both and check each before buying something.  It is definitely worth it, since often the cash back is 10% or more depending on the store (although even 2% is something!).  MyPoints is similar, but you get points for each dollar you spend at certain stores and then redeem those points for gift cards.  In my opinion, you don't get nearly as much from MyPoints as you do from the others, however, I do use it when I purchase from stores that are on MyPoints and not on the others.  MyPoints also offers you other ways to earn points, like clicking on links in your emails.  I recently redeemed a $50 gift card for a department store from MyPoints that I earned over the past year - not a lot, but still $50 for doing something I already do (shop online!). 

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Although not making money per say, another way I help my family out at home is through winning giveaways.  In the past 6 months I've won a few cloth diapers, baby shampoos and lotions, chocolates, a sweet Christmas headband for Lulu and a few other miscellaneous odds and ends.  The best way to ensure that you win is to enter smaller giveaways (although don't skip on the large ones if they are easy to enter, someone's got to win and it might as well be you).  Small giveaways by bloggers are my favorite and there are many places that you can find these giveaways and particularly giveaways with low entries.  My favorite place to go for these is Tight Wad in Utah who lists low entry giveaways ending this week. 

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Some advice: only you know whether the money you are making is worth your time.  If you are a stay-at-home mom and have some time while the kids nap, great!  But if you are taking time away from your family, it's probably not worth it!  I like being able to contribute a little bit to the family income and to providing for this sweet girl:

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

This post contains affiliate links. This does not influence or change my opinion.

"Back" to Work

Before we even started trying to conceive, David and I had already decided that when we had children, we would do everything possible to allow me to stay home with them.  I worked the first few months of my pregnancy as a teacher’s aide, but when the school year ended and then we moved a month later, it wasn’t practical for me to get a job just until the baby was born (and by then I was obviously pregnant, so my chances of being hired were greatly diminished).  I did, however, apply to substitute teach because it seemed to be the perfect compromise.  I could work if and when I wanted to.  It wouldn’t be a big deal if I took a big break after the baby was born (or indefinitely).  And it would give me some experience in my desired job field in case I wanted to find a teaching job down the road.  But the school year started and I still had heard nothing.  In December Lucia was born, and I all but forgot that I had ever applied to substitute teach.

 

Then about a month ago, I received a letter saying that I had been approved to substitute.  This was nine months after originally applying, but I realized that this had probably been God’s plan all along.  (Sometimes I wonder why I bother to make plans at all!)  When I applied, I didn’t realize that it would be so long before I would be approved and if I had, I wouldn’t have applied at all.  But I also didn’t know that I would be wanting to substitute after our baby was born.  In fact, the timing couldn’t be more perfect.  Lucia is now four months old and I feel comfortable leaving her for longer periods of time.  I’ve gotten down the hang of pumping, so a day away is doing.  David is finished with his dissertation and has nothing major to do before graduation next month, so he can stay home with Lucia while he is on the job hunt.  Most of all, the extra income will be such a blessing, especially if it takes David a while to find a job.  I don’t know how often I’ll be able to substitute, especially since it is toward the end of the school year, but any money I make will be a welcome addition to our income. 

Tomorrow is substitute teacher orientation and my first experience leaving Lucia for more than just a few hours.  But instead of being worried about leaving her, I feel guilty that I’m not worried.  I know I’ll miss her and will be so happy to see her cute little smile and cuddle her in my arms at the end of the day, but David is a great father and I know she’ll have a wonderful day with him.  

  

How did you feel the first time you left your baby for an extended period of time (not just for work for any activity)?   
Any advice for me?

Bridesmaid Style Board 2: Dresses

This isn't specifically a style blog (Lord knows I am not on the up and up on style and fashion), yet somehow, my second viewed post to date is my bridesmaid nude heel style board.  Since it was so fun to make, I thought couldn't resist the opportunity to make a style board for bridesmaid dresses.  I already bought my dress (scroll to the bottom if you want to see it), but before I did, I scoured the internet to find some inspiration. 

When I planned my wedding a few years ago (we'll be celebrating our two year anniversary in July!), I was opposed to the new trend of bridesmaids choosing their own dresses in complimentary colors.  My bridesmaids wore the exact same dresses in the exact same color.  Since then, I've really started to admire the more eclectic approach (with the help of some amazing examples on Pinterest) and if I had to do it all over again, I probably would have chosen to go the less matchy-matchy route.  (Oh, how different my wedding would have been if we had Pinterest back then!) 

My future sister-in-law is planning a beautiful slightly western, slightly rustic, very cute wedding with burlap, lace and neutral tones as the inspiration.  She's having the bridesmaids choose their own apparel within the theme (which is a smart call with 12 bridesmaids of various shapes, sizes, and skin tones).  Some of the guidelines for the dresses: knee-length, with straps or sleeves, non-shiny materials (linen, cotton, lace, chiffon) and light pink, off-white, or nude/neutral colors.  The dress will be paired with nude heels (see my bridesmaid shoe style board) for the ceremony and cowboy boots for the reception. 

When I was looking for my bridesmaid dress, I added a few additional requirements of my own: I wanted to find one for under $100 and I wanted it to be something I would wear again.  I scoured the internet and realized that I was going back time and time again to three stores that had large varieties of dresses that met all the specifications: Shabby Apple, Nordstrom, and ModCloth.  Here are my top picks from each:

Shabby Apple: Shabby Apple seems to be the best kept secret on the internet.  It has so many beautiful dresses that are classic, classy, fairly modest, and usually very reasonably priced.  (They also have gorgeous swimsuits, maternity dresses, and little girls dresses.) 

 

1. Confidential $98  2. The Mad Hatter  $88 3. Malt Shop $86 4. Freshwater Pearl  $82 5. Sunset Boulevard  $84

Nordstrom: When I think of Nordstrom, I think of high quality, classy clothing, but I also think high prices.  I was pleasantly surprised by these dresses (and their great prices).

1. Lush Crochet Sleeve Blouson Dress $48  2. Donna Morgan Satin & Pleated Chiffon Dress $99.90 3. Frenchi Layered Lace Faux Wrap Dress $48 4. Fire Shift Lace Dress $48 5. Fire Lace Tank Dress $48 6. Fire Knotted Open Back Lace Dress $48

ModCloth: Like Shabby Apple, ModCloth is another new discovery of mine.  I can't spend more than a minute or two on its site without finding at least 50 items I absolutely love!  Don't be put off by the fact that many of their clothes seem to be hipster (I love the style, just don't think I can really pull it off!), there are clothes for everyone on there, including come great vintage inspired frocks.

1. Pinch Me I'm Dreaming Dress $84.99 2. Coming Up Rosettes Dress $59.99 3. Under the Pavilion Dress $59.99 4. The Heirloom Dress $84.99 5. Drizzled Dreams Dress in Ivory $54.99 6. Snow Place Like Home Dress $47.99

If you are curious as to what dress I ended up with, here it is: 

 

I found it in the second store I looked.  It fit all my requirements and I think it looks even better on me with some curves than on the stick thin model (if I do say so myself!).  

Which dresses are your favorite? What did/will your bridesmaids wear at your wedding?  

If you already had your wedding is there anything you would change if you were to do it over again?