If you've glanced at my profile on the right sidebar or my "about" page in the last week, you may have noticed that it says "part stay-at-home mom, part Spanish teacher". That's right, I accepted my first teaching position last week as a part-time K-8 Spanish teacher at a Catholic school! Obviously, that's big news, so you might be wondering why I've taken so long to share it. The truth is, I've attempted to write this post several times in the past week but I've struggled with what to write. You see, I'm still struggling to figure out exactly how I feel about my new job and the changes it signifies for my family.
I wasn't looking for a job. Before we moved back to Colorado last month, I applied to substitute in the local school districts while David looked for work. Applying for teaching positions didn't make sense since we may have to move again soon if David found a job to which he couldn't easily commute. And once he did find a job, he wouldn't be able to watch Lucia and I wouldn't need to help contribute financially; it would be easy to stop substituting to stay home.
So what changed that would make a teaching job more sensible? Nothing. All these circumstances still apply. Yet the job presented itself and we couldn't help feeling that this is God's plan for me right now, the answer to our prayers for financial stability. This isn't the answer we were expecting, but I have to trust right now that His plans for our family are greater than any plans we could make.
The first Sunday after we arrived "home" to Colorado, there was an advertisement in the church bulletin for a part-time Spanish teacher at the conjoining Catholic school. How could this not be a sign? Especially since this wasn't our obvious home parish in my hometown; we took my grandparents to Mass that Sunday at their church (which also happens to be the church we were married at and where Lucia was baptized). I then had the opportunity to meet the new principal a few days before my interview at a reception for our new Archbishop. Imagine my surprise when she told me that she felt that it was meant to be that I contacted her the job because she had been asking St. Anthony to help her find a Spanish teacher and was only going to advertise in the church bulletin for one more week before she started looking elsewhere. If that's not an indication this is where I'm suppose the be right now, what is?
There are still many questions for us as I start this job. David just interviewed for a position 2 hours away and if he gets it, he plans to either commute there daily or stay with his parents Monday through Friday and come home to be with us on the weekends. If he doesn't get the position, he will look for a part-time job at a restaurant, coffee shop, or retail shop, and limit his job search within an hour of here. We don't know who will watch Lucia if we are both working, and that is perhaps the most difficult aspect of going back to work for me. But I continue to trust, because I know in time He will reveal His plan to me.
I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mother. I love being a stay-at-home mother. I worry about missing the big moments. Will I miss Lucia's first steps? I am heartbroken that I will miss the little moments. I will especially miss breastfeeding my daughter and connecting with her in such an intimate way at regular intervals throughout my day. (I will be pumping and still breastfeeding her while I'm home.) But these thoughts and worries are manageable while Lucia stays home with daddy. It's a special time for the two of them to bond in a way that most dads don't ever get to experience. But once (if) he finds a job...I just can't bear the thought of my little one in daycare. No one can teach and care for baby like mama and daddy.
Lest you think I'm viewing my job in only a doom and gloom manner, I will tell you that I am very excited to get back in the classroom. Nervous? Absolutely! Overwhelmed? Yes, yes, yes! Teaching K-8 means nine lesson plans to write which is so, so daunting, especially as a new teacher with all of 0 lesson plans in my repertoire. But excited? That too! I've already bought a few books and decorations for my classroom and a few new "teacher" outfits. Ready or not, the first day of school is coming soon.