Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Moving forward. (Toward Christ.)

Friday was a frightening day for our family.  I'm not ready to share the whole story, but in short I woke up early in the morning soaked in blood and passed out.  We made a trip to the emergency room and after a few hours I went home and spent the rest of the day in bed.  I passed out again later in the day and suffered a few hours of excruciating pain, but just when we prepared to make our way back to the hospital, the bleeding stopped considerably and the pain completely ceased. 

The past few days have been difficult as I'm still suffering the effects of blood loss (headaches, lightheadedness, weakness, etc.), but it seems as if the miscarriage is over.  There is no guarantee, of course.  If not everything has been expelled, cramping and bleeding may pick up later, but I'm certainly hoping that these last few days have marked the beginning of the healing process.  I'm very much looking forward to having some time before me to heal physically and emotionally.  

Two miscarriages only four months apart have taken their toll.  I have been feeling poorly since I started feeling pregnancy symptoms in early September.  The physical and emotional strain of that pregnancy turned into the physical and emotional strain of miscarriage and that entire process was repeated only a few months later.  When I try to describe how I'm feeling, the only word that seems to fit is "tired".  Physically, emotionally, and spiritually tired.  

We'll soon enter the liturgical season of Lent.  Most years, I struggle to make my Lent meaningful, to have a personal investment in it.  This year, I'm running toward it as a safe refuge.  A quiet, contemplative, austere time in which I can unite my sufferings with Christ.  This Lent, I don't have to work on stripping my life down to the bare minimum; I am already there.  The reason we simplify our lives is to make room for God and right now I'm feeling like there is a great emptiness within me ready to be filled with Him, of only I let Him.  



Joining Jen. 2 of 7.



11 comments:

  1. Hope you feel better. Praying for you!

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  2. Sending prayers. My many miscarriages left me feeling tired and very, very "stripped bare." <3

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  3. Oh, Mandi. I have been thinking so much about the emotional pain you must be facing, that I haven't been worrying about the physical pain. How scary for you and your family. Praying for healing in all ways for you and for strength on your journey.

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    1. Rita, all miscarriages are different. My one in October was more emotionally difficult than this one (although I'm thinking that's just because the most difficult part as not hit yet?) but physically was much easier - no excessive blood loss, the pain lasted about 12 hours but was never as intense as the 3 hours or so that I experienced this time, etc. I was very caught off guard this time thinking, "I've done this before and know what to expect." And it was NOTHING like what I expected.

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  4. Praying for you and your family. I can't even imagine.

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  5. Found your blog through the link-up. Praying for you!

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  6. The prayers for you are still coming from our family! Love to you!

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  7. Saying a prayer for you, Mandi!

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  8. Rest up and know a lot of us are praying for you, David, and Lulu :)

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  9. Thank you for being so transparent despite the pain you're going through. I pray that the Lord will comfort you and your family.

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  10. I am so sorry for your losses. You are helping, blessing, so many women by sharing your deeply personal story. When we suffered our first miscarriage (July '09), I sought advice, comfort, ANYTHING among catholic blogs and websites, only to find a few sad, outdated articles written by men. I was angry, bewildered, and utterly alone. Your sharing opens hearts, gives hope, and lights a tiny candle for mothers suddenly thrust into this special kind of darkness.

    You are right to look to Lent during this painful period in your life. My 2nd miscarriage (twins) was on Palm Sunday. My heart was so raw, my brain so foggy, all I could was look at the Cross. And that was enough. Jesus took my pain and worked miracles in my life, and He will in yours, too. You will be in my prayers.

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