Friday was a frightening day for our family. I'm not ready to share the whole story, but in short I woke up early in the morning soaked in blood and passed out. We made a trip to the emergency room and after a few hours I went home and spent the rest of the day in bed. I passed out again later in the day and suffered a few hours of excruciating pain, but just when we prepared to make our way back to the hospital, the bleeding stopped considerably and the pain completely ceased.
The past few days have been difficult as I'm still suffering the effects of blood loss (headaches, lightheadedness, weakness, etc.), but it seems as if the miscarriage is over. There is no guarantee, of course. If not everything has been expelled, cramping and bleeding may pick up later, but I'm certainly hoping that these last few days have marked the beginning of the healing process. I'm very much looking forward to having some time before me to heal physically and emotionally.
Two miscarriages only four months apart have taken their toll. I have been feeling poorly since I started feeling pregnancy symptoms in early September. The physical and emotional strain of that pregnancy turned into the physical and emotional strain of miscarriage and that entire process was repeated only a few months later. When I try to describe how I'm feeling, the only word that seems to fit is "tired". Physically, emotionally, and spiritually tired.
We'll soon enter the liturgical season of Lent. Most years, I struggle to make my Lent meaningful, to have a personal investment in it. This year, I'm running toward it as a safe refuge. A quiet, contemplative, austere time in which I can unite my sufferings with Christ. This Lent, I don't have to work on stripping my life down to the bare minimum; I am already there. The reason we simplify our lives is to make room for God and right now I'm feeling like there is a great emptiness within me ready to be filled with Him, of only I let Him.
Joining Jen. 2 of 7.