7 Quick Takes Friday (Take 26)

1. I am currently in Colorado to visit family and for the baby shower my mom is throwing me tomorrow.  I knew I wouldn’t want to take any precious family time to write blog posts so I did something I haven’t done before: wrote posts ahead of time!  Wow, I’m so ahead of the game (for once!).

2. Speaking of spending time with family, don’t forget Sunday is Grandparents’ Day!  I am blessed to be able to spend the whole day with my grandparents, especially since my grandfather has cancer and has been undergoing chemotherapy.  My parents are also excited to celebrate their first Grandparents’ Day, even though their grandchild has yet to be born.

3. Since my husband worked on Labor Day, I made him chocolate chip cookies so he would know that I appreciate how hard he works for our family.  If you don’t already have a go-to chocolate chip cookie recipe, I really suggest the one I used for the “Best Big, Fat, Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookie”.  They came out perfectly and my husband can’t get enough of them.

4. I went to a tailor earlier this week for the first time in my life.  Now I feel like a real adult!  I found a really adorable maxi dress at a maternity store for a great price, but it was about three inches too long.  So I took it to be hemmed.  I wish I knew how to sew (and had a sewing machine) so I could have done it myself, but that definitely isn’t an option right now.  This is the first maxi dress I’ve ever owned because at 5’2”, there is no way I would ever find one that wouldn’t need to be hemmed. 

5. I recently read two articles about priests doing great things:

• Recently ordained Fr. Christopher Klusman is one of less than ten deaf priests in the United States and hopes to increase opportunities for deaf Catholics to be involved in the Church in the Archdiocese of Milwaukee.  
• Fr. Paul Arinze is a priest who also officiates tennis tournaments, including the U.S. Open.  I don’t know the first thing about tennis, but my husband loves it and thought the article and Fr. Arinze are pretty cool.

6. I won this week’s Thirsties Thursday cloth diaper giveaway!  My prize is two Thirsties Duo Wraps and two Thirsties Duo Hemp Prefolds.  I’m excited to get them in the mail, but even more excited to see them on my little one’s bottom.  Coincidentally, my mom set up a tour of the Thirsties plant next week while I’m in Colorado, so I’ll be able to see where they are made as well.

7. If you haven’t seen it yet, please be sure to check out the new post in my “On Marrying Young” series, Exception to the “Rules”, a guest post by Kaylene of Letters from Momma.  It’s fabulous!  And be sure to check back in the upcoming weeks because there are more great guest posts to come (and if I can shake the writer's block I've been experiencing, I may even add some more posts of my own).

Thanks to Jennifer Fulwiler of Conversion Diary for hosting 7 Quick Takes!

On Marrying Young: Exception to the "Rules"

I can't explain my excitement when I received interest from several ladies interested in contributing their stories and voices to the topic, "On Marrying Young".  Kaylene recently stumbled upon my blog and I've enjoyed the opportunity to get to know her, as I hope you do too.  When I received her guest post in my inbox, I just couldn't stop reading.  Enjoy!

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I'd like to thank Mandi for letting me guest post! I found her blog by chance, while entering some cloth diaper giveaways. I saw her blog's name was Catholic Newlywed. This interested me because I was a Catholic newlywed not too long ago. When I read her posts about being young & married, I was really interested in sharing my perspective.

Mr. & Mrs. 11/22/08 married young

For me and my husband, it is pretty clear that we got married young. We were the youngest people everywhere we went during wedding preparations. I was given odd looks at wedding shops, and I often felt eyes glaring at my stomach to decide if there was a bump or not. My husband's fraternity brothers gave him a hard time because he was leaving them, rather than being excited for his happiness. My maid of honor (my sister) couldn't drive yet, and was still in high school, so that put a limit on the things she could do. None of our friends really knew bridal attendant etiquette, as ours was their first wedding to be a part of. We also really felt out of place at our Engaged Encounter when we introduced ourselves as students because everyone else had 'real' jobs. Suffice it to say, we felt as if we were in uncharted waters.

After getting married, it became even more obvious that we were quite a rarity in modern America. In college, people go out for drinks, go dancing, have blind dates their friends set them up on, or join single groups through their church. We didn't need to do any of that, as we were already married (we had fun though, don't worry). We often felt out of place with many of our peers who were still living up the 'college life,' and we were settled down. I think that was harder on my husband than myself. Sometimes he felt like he should have the young & carefree attitude that his old fraternity brothers had. It caused some friction for us, but we worked through it together. I got excited when our church started to form a young married group for fellowship and spiritual growth. We were hoping to meet people like us, but after the first meeting, it turns out we didn't fit in so great there either. We were the youngest people there by about 6 years! The group was great and we made some sort-of-friends, but they had professional jobs & several already had kids. What we needed was a Young Catholic Student Newlywed group....guess there aren't too many of those around.

America has several unwritten, but often talked about, rules. You can't get married until you are done with school (whichever degree that means for you). The only reason you are supposed to get married before school is completed is if you are pregnant, broke, or in the military. You aren't supposed to get married without an extensive dating period, or at least not until you've known each other for a "long" time. Our marriage is an exception to those rules.

Exception to modern rule - met, engaged, married in less than 2 years

3/17/07 look how young we look!

My husband and I met my sophomore year of college--his freshman year. We attended schools an hour and a half apart. I can honestly say it was love at first sight conversation. We talked for hours. I could write an entire chapter book on how much of a God 'thing' our meeting was, but suffice it to say... We were meant to be together. We were essentially inseparable from April 2007 on, after meeting on St. Patrick's Day. We spent way too much money on gas to visit each other; and we each got one speeding ticket on the same stretch of highway between our schools. Our relationship hit some rocky points, but it only made us stronger. Attending Mass together really helped solidify our decision to be together. We continually heard homilies related to marriage, and we knew it was our calling. We were engaged Memorial Day weekend 2008 and married in November the same year. If you can do simple math, you know we were still in college.

Exception to modern rule - married young for love; not for pregnancy, money, or anything else

our 1st apartment's "front porch"

My husband transferred to my school, we got an apartment, life went on. Getting married in school really wasn't a big deal to me. We knew we were meant to be married, and felt God's hand in it all, so we didn't want to wait. A lot (re: all) of our family didn't think it was a good idea. I'm sure some thought I was pregnant. I figure some thought it'd quickly end in divorce. Many assumed one of us would drop out. They thought we were too young and should finish school before marriage--their words, not ours. I truly believe it was God's plan for us to meet and marry when we did.

Exception to modern rule - dating was NOT the best part of our relationship

3 months preg - Sept '10

I've heard people say marriage is hard, and that dating was the best your relationship will be---but I don't think that's true at all. My husband and I are a match made in Heaven and our life is wonderful. Dating was hard for us. It felt like we were trying to pull two magnets apart. Being married has been more natural and much easier. Something that has helped us tremendously, married young or not, is remembering that our marriage may not always be happy but it will be unified. We are together because of His plan, and with His help, we will get through anything. Marrying young is not the 'rule' in America today, but it certainly isn't wrong or taboo! If God is calling you to be an exception, don't let societal rules stop you.

May 14, 2010 Graduation Day!

Being married in college certainly isn't for everyone...but I'm so glad we did. It is fulfilling to know we saw our vocations & said yes to God. We get to grow up together. We have only ever known adulthood as a married couple. We have experienced everything that young single adults face, but we've done it together. I like that. We are settling unto our roles as husband and wife without having to 'undo' individual roles. We are developing routines and world views together. Anything we disagree on, we talk about and work out.

To me, the best thing about being married so young is that we have our whole lives to perfect marriage.

My husband said the nice thing about being married young is coming home to someone who loves him. No bar scenes or blind dates. We've already got a good thing going & are lucky to have found each other so young.

To read more about out life and our new baby girl, check out Letters from Momma. I blog about cloth diapers, Gianna's milestones, & parenting topics--including a giveaway every now and then.









Please check out the other posts (including some great guest posts) in my On Marrying Young series.

7 Quick Takes Friday (Take 25)

1.  We tried a new grocery store this week because I saw in their ad that they had buy 2, get 3 free Breyers ice cream.  Yes, you read that right, buy 2 get 3 free.  So we came home with 5 cartons of ice cream to add to the two that we already had in the freezer.  We love ice cream and I just couldn’t resist a good deal.  So our freezer has become an ice cream buffet!

2.  My husband may have a postdoc position for next year!  A few days ago, he met with a professor about working with him after graduation and he seemed very interested.  Of course, we won’t know anything for sure for a while, but it’s reassuring that he’s been able to find a possible position this early.  And although we’d love to move back to Colorado, my next choice would be to stay here so we don’t have to move again next year.

3.  We leave in less than a week to fly home to Colorado!  My mom is throwing me a baby shower and we are going to have several days to visit with friends and family! 

4.  Speaking of the baby shower, of the 20 or so people invited only five called my mom by the RSVP date on the invitation.  I can’t believe it, I would never just not respond.  I know I probably shouldn’t take it personally, but it hurts that our friends and family couldn’t even take the time to call.  Should we just assume they aren’t coming?

5.  Nothing tugs at a pregnant woman’s heartstrings more than washing little baby clothes and hanging them to dry.  I’ve been washing so much baby clothes this week that our hamper filled up and my husband was on his last pair of socks.  Folding those little clothes and placing them in the drawers, I tried to imagine putting them on my little one, but it still seems so unreal.  I am obviously very pregnant by this point, yet sometimes I can’t fathom that there will really be a baby at the end of this.   I think I’ll need to hold my baby in my arms before I truly believe it.

6.  I got a new book today through Paperback Swap, Your Labor Of Love: A Spiritual Companion for Expectant Mothers.  It was suggested to me by Liana of Working to be Worthy.  I have high expectations for this book, especially since I think it’s the only book of its kind writing specifically for Catholics.  I’ll let you know what I think of it when I finish. 

7.  I appreciate all the kind and supportive comments I’ve received on the On Marrying Young series I recently started.  I’ve had a few lovely ladies show interest in writing guest posts for it, so be sure to check back in the near future.

Read more great Quick Takes at Conversion Diary!

On Marrying Young: The Unsettled Life

Although marriage is often referred to as “settling down”, for young couples, early married life may not be all that settled.  Young married people are in many of the same circumstances as their unmarried peers: they are students, just starting their careers, and moving from place to place.  Although I have known young couples who married just out of college, both spouses found stable jobs in their desired fields, and they were able to purchase a condo or starter home within the first year of marriage, this is by far the exception and not the rule.

When my husband and I married, I knew that I was sacrificing the ability to plan out my future.  I had just graduated from college but I didn’t know if I would be able to find a teaching job if I moved to Indiana to join my husband (I wasn’t).  As the wife of a grad student, I don’t know where (and if) my husband will find a job when he graduates in May.  And since he is looking for postdoctoral positions, the job he does get will only be for one to three years, thus pushing back buying a house and planting roots in a permanent place even further out.  While our specific circumstances are unique to us, I know many other young married couples that feel the same sense of living a transitory, unsettled life.

Lacking the “stability” that is often assumed to accompany married life can add unneeded pressure to a young marriage.  Starting a career is difficult enough for any young person (especially with the current unemployment rate) without the added stress of knowing you need to help support a spouse or a family.  It also can be quite difficult for two people to start a career at the same time without being able to move for a job.  I would have had a much better opportunity to find a teaching job had I stayed in Colorado where I had connections in the local school districts or if I had been able to move anywhere the jobs were.  But marrying my husband meant that I needed to move to where he was completing school, so my dream of getting a teaching job was replaced by the simple desire to get any job that would help my husband pay the bills.  I never thought I would be so excited to get a job at Starbucks, yet this is only one example of how marriage has changed my whole perspective. 

Since we don’t know where we are going, we have to rely on each other all the more.  I am not by nature an adventurous person, but I’ve been able to approach our future and each new opportunity or hurdle as a new venture that will bring us closer together.  Moving first to Indiana and then to North Carolina only a year later, we’ve been able to start a new life together just the two of us, without the outside pressure of our families and friends.  Marrying young means that I get to be there for my husband at the beginning of his career to support him; and I will never take for granted the work he does to support our family because I’ve seen from the beginning just how much he has sacrificed and how hard he has worked just to get to this point. 

While I still wish we could put roots down somewhere and I’m anxious to have a home of my own where I can actually paint the walls, especially with a little one on the way, I wouldn’t trade this unsettled life with my husband for a more stable life on my own.  It has been difficult not knowing where our lives are headed, but it is a great comfort to know that wherever we end up, we’ll be there together.



Please check out the other posts (including some great guest posts) in my On Marrying Young series.  

On Marrying Young: Some Thoughts

In my earlier post, On Marrying Young, I announced that I’d be writing some posts in the near future on the distinct experiences of couples who married young. When I sat down to sort out my thoughts (and potential future posts) about marrying young, I originally attempted to make a lists of the pros and cons.  But it turns out that it’s not that simple.  Many of the unique situations that my husband and I went through as young newlyweds cannot be categorized as purely negative or positive (is there much in life that is black or white?).  The difficulties encountered by a young couple, if worked through together, only serve to strengthen their marriage in the long run.  So instead of approaching this by writing posts either/or posts on the positives or negatives of marrying young, I’m simply going to discuss some of the situations that I have noticed are distinct to young married couples.

I purposely did not define a specific age that warrants the title “young bride” or “young groom” because I don’t particularly believe there is one.  My husband and I didn’t originally feel like we were marrying young, until other people pointed it out (and until we realized we were one of the first and/or only of our friends who were married).  Since marrying just over a year ago, it has become obvious is certain aspects of our lives that we did indeed marry young.  If you feel like you married young, chances are that you did relevant to your own personal, familial, and societal expectations.

If, like me, you like more set guidelines than “you’ll just know if this applies or not”, you can use statistics on average age at first marriage as your guidelines for deciding whether a couple married young or not.   The national average age at first marriage (according to the most recent statistics) is 26 for women and 28 for men, although this varies quite a bit by region and state.  For example, according to the 2008 American Community Survey, Washington D.C. was the state/territory with the highest average age at first marriage for both men (32) and women (30), while Utah has the lowest average for women (24) and Idaho had the lowest average for men (25).  So a woman who married at age 28 may feel like a “young bride” if she lived in Washington, D.C. or may feel like she is marrying later in Utah.  I personally love statistics (aren’t they fascinating?), if you do too, make sure to read the article where I got these statistics, The States of Marriage and Divorce.

On Marrying Young has been my most commented on post to date (although that’s not saying much) and I hope that my upcoming posts will live up to all your expectations.  If anybody feels like they have something to share on this topic,  I’d love to have you guest post!  I can only write from my experiences and observations, it would be great to have more perspectives to share.  You can contact me through my email found in the “About Mandi” tab above. 



Please check out the other posts (including some great guest posts) in my On Marrying Young series.