Baby on a Budget Guest Post: Happily a One Income Family

If you've been following my blog for a while, you may remember Kaylene of Letters from Momma from her amazing post for my On Marrying Young Series entitled Exception to the "Rules".  She has graciously offered to kick off my Baby on a Budget Series with her personal experiences raising her (adorable!) daughter on her husband's income while she stays at home.  She is an example of exactly what I wanted to portray with this series, that despite the hardships of raising a baby on a budget, opening your life to a child brings grace, joy, and fulfillment that you could never imagine.  Thanks Kaylene!

______________________

I never planned to be a stay at home mom. It's something I kind of fell into. You know the saying, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans?"

That's my life. I graduated college with a degree in education, and plans to teach middle school math. I love teaching--working with middle schoolers is one of my passions. They are just so fun, and my personality works well with their evolving ones.

20 week ultrasound Oct 2010

But God had other plans for me, right now.


When I found out I was pregnant (a surprise, but not really "unplanned") shortly after graduation, I instantly knew I was going to stay home with the baby. I wouldn't say I necessarily wanted to at first, it was just because that made the most sense. Infant daycare is ridiculously expensive, especially in our ritzy city, so my income would barely cover the cost. We don't really have family close, so that wasn't an option. Also, the more I thought about it, the more I did want to stay home. I feel like I am the most qualified person to raise our daughter, and I don't want to miss any of her milestones. I'm not bitter about staying home at all. Yes, sometimes it is hard, and I have felt unchallenged--but I am good at creating challenges for myself. I'm not one of those people who allows herself to get bored.


My husband is an electrical engineer. His salary is pretty good. If he were single, it'd be awesome. If we didn't have student loans, it would even be awesome for a family of three.


But the fact is we both have student loans. I could go into the details of why we have student loans, but that's not the point of this blog. Let's just say we could have two mid-price Cadillacs for the cost of our college education. I have been pretty resentful of myself throughout the past year, because I kept thinking about how much of my husband's paycheck was going toward my un-profitable college education (notice I didn't say "unused," because I use it on a daily basis). He said that doesn't matter though, because the loans have to be paid; and I'm doing the best job in the world...caring for our daughter. 


So, while my husband makes double what the average teacher makes, 17% of his take home pay goes straight to student loans. When you look at it that way, we are living on about what a tenured high school teacher makes. We've budgeted it so we are paying a little extra on them, in hopes of paying them off sooner, which would make our budget a lot looser. I am beyond grateful that we have any income, just so you know.

Free afternoon at the local cider mill / pumpkin patch Oct 2011

I thought about writing how we are living on one income, but it's pretty typical. We try not to spend any money. We eat as cheap as I'll allow us to (I don't want to put unhealthy food in our lives), we utilize Groupons/coupons/free things, and we cut out things we don't need. We rarely ever go out. Our social life consists of having friends over, or going to their house, for dinner.


Pretty simple really; so I'd rather spend the rest of this blog writing about what we do have with a baby on a budget. I hope it gives you some encouragement if you feel called to have a baby, but think you don't have the money.


Each other. If you are in a healthy, stable marriage...you can have a baby on a budget. Teamwork is all that is really required.


God. Faith is life changing. Even though we are on a budget, we still tithe weekly to the church and pitch-in in other ways too. Volunteering makes us feel better about ourselves, and we know that there are people a lot worse off than us. Doing things for the church is really fun with the baby because everyone ooohhs and ahhhs over her ;-)


Good Food. As I stated above, I don't like to feed my family unhealthy things. Prior to my daughter starting solids, I breastfed. It's free, natural, and better for the baby. If you are trying to have a baby on a budget, ditch the formula. I try to buy organic when I can, and I always have fresh fruit in the house. I shop sales, compare prices, and stock up on loss-leaders when it's something we need. I do not do extreme couponing because {a} it takes up too much time that I'd rather spend doing other things and {b} we don't need 104,583 things of toothpaste. I've not found a way to get our food budget to the ridiculously low numbers I've seen on other blogs. We eat on about $80 a week. I think that's very realistic, considering my love of food and cooking.


A Nice Home. We live in a nice apartment, but we pay a lot for it. We live in a really nice area; the first apartment we looked at was $1000 for a one bedroom...if that tells you anything. We settled for a mid-range apartment that I love. Sadly, we are paying as much as my parents pay for their mortgage. It is 1 bedroom with a "study," which really means it's the perfect size for a baby. She slept in our room for the first month, but after that we moved her into the "study." Yes, we'd love a big house, but we don't need one.

Plenty of Clothing. You do not need to spend a lot of money on baby clothes, because they grow fast. My daughter has a lot of hand-me down clothes, and I am really grateful for all the family members who passed things on to us. Look online for "must-have" lists, so that you don't have more clothes than you need. My daughter wears the same thing over and over again...but she's warm, so that's all that matters. I haven't been to consignment shops or sales, but I have a few friends who highly suggest them as a way to find cheap baby clothes. I did buy maternity clothes on consignment, and found a few things at our small Goodwill.


Life Insurance. We may be on a budget, but we make it a priority to provide for each other or our daughter, should something tragic happen. I know a lot of people consider this a luxury...but not to us. We are proud to pay the Knights of Columbus for our 3 life insurance policies. We took out a small whole life policy on our daughter because it will pay for itself in 20 years, and will have a cash value. We like that she has a guaranteed purchase option for life, even if she gets cancer, MS, or some other illness that would make her "uninsurable" later in life.


Gym memberships. Another thing you may consider a luxury, but we have on a budget. My husband's work pays for part of the membership and we get a discount, too. It's vital to my mental well-being to have the ability to work out. It also can serve as a date, because the infant care at our gym is so amazing. We can workout together, while she plays in the baby room.

Having a baby on a budget can mean a lot of things, but it doesn't mean you can't have fun or enjoy life.  Living on one income is totally worth it, because I can't imagine not seeing our beautiful baby girl all day. Life is what you make it, and we have a great life. Our needs are met, our bills are paid, and we are happy. God is good, and our main goal is to enjoy this life to the fullest while working toward getting to Heaven. Because that's what matters most anyway.


Kaylene blogs at Letters from Momma, as an outlet for herself, and as a small way to contribute to the family. She mothers an adorable 10 month old, and has been happily married for over 3 years. She works daily to be a better child of God.





Please check out the other posts (including some great guest posts) in my Baby on a Budget series.  

7 Quick Takes Friday (Take 41): Best Posts of 2011

I saw this "7 Links" template on Louise's Wonderful World of Weez blog several months ago and I've been waiting for the opportune time to use it. What better way to start the new year than by recapping some of the most notable posts of the last year?

1. Most beautiful post: Bringing Joy by Bearing Life

I wrote this post in response to the sweet smiles and comments of strangers while I was pregnant.  I couldn't believe how much joy I brought to others simply by carrying a child!  I know it isn't typical, but I didn't have any negative encounters with strangers (or with people I knew, for that matter) while I was pregnant, and this renewed my hopes for a society in which life is protected and embraced.

2. Most popular post: A Magical Honeymoon

Thanks to Betty Beguiles' romantic honeymoon linkup, my post on our Disney World honeymoon is the most viewed last year (and in my entire blog history).  The post on our engagement is almost as popular for the same reason.

3. Most controversial post: No Kneelers?

Although I think I have written on some controversial topics, I don't tend to get many comments that disagree with my posts (probably because most of my readers are conservative Catholics/Christians like me).  Therefore, I chose this post not because it created great controversy or spawned arguments in the comments (none of my posts fit that bill), but because it is a controversial topic among many Catholics and on various other places on the web. 

4. Most helpful post: Odd Pregnancy Symptoms

This one is probably the hardest to choose because when I write, I rarely have any idea of how it affects readers.  So I chose the one that would have been most helpful to me.  Each of the pregnancy symptoms I wrote about freaked me out a bit until I was able to look them up online or in books and realized that they are within the realm of a "normal" pregnancy.  I wish I had heard about them before I was pregnant so I knew a little more what to expect.  Hopefully some freaked out woman will come across my post and realize that she's not the only one experiencing such odd symptoms (or better yet, someone will read the post before experiencing the symptoms and will be completely prepared for the odd changes her body will experience during pregnancy).

5. Post whose success surprised you most: Advice I Wish My Mother Gave Me Before I Got Married

What surprises me most about this post is that six months after I wrote it, it is still the main post that drives traffic to my blog from search engines.  Apparently, there are many engaged women looking for advice on the internet and many people looking for advice to give newlyweds.  I don't know that my post provides exactly what they are looking for, but I do hope that it helped at least one naive newlywed!

6. Post that didn't receive that attention you thought it deserved: What I Love About Being Pregnant

I wrote about what I loved about being pregnant because I felt I was hearing so many negative things about pregnancy.  I was really hoping to get a lot of comments from other women about what they loved about their pregnancies, but alas, the comments were scarce. 

7. Post you are most proud of: Open to Life

I am most proud of this post because it is very personal and was very difficult to write, yet I did so because I truly believe that becoming open to life greatly improved my relationship with my husband and our relationship with God.  It was important to me to share our story in hopes that it would in turn inspire others to be bravely countercultural and welcome life into their marriages even if the situation wasn't "ideal".

For more Quick Takes, visit Jen at Conversion Diary!

My One Month Old

Today my Lucia Rose is one month old!  I can hardly recognize her as the tiny little newborn I brought home from the birth center (in fact, she already outgrew her first outfit!), yet at the same time, I feel as if she's always been a part of our family. 

This first month with her has been a strange one, because we've barely had time alone to get to know one another as mother and daughter.  My mom flew in two days after she was born and stayed two weeks, then we flew to Colorado to spend the holidays with family less than a week after she left.  I've only spent four days alone with my baby girl while my husband was at work.  We don't leave to go back home until Monday and I will be very sad to leave family, yet am looking forward to more peaceful, relaxing days with Lulu at home.  With future children, I don't know that I would embark on such a journey so shortly after birth; however, this trip definitely was worth the discomfort and difficulties that have accompanied it.  It was very important to us that our families meet Lucia as soon as possible, especially since my husband and I have elderly grandparents who were eager to meet their first great-grandchild.

Lucia has changed so much in the past few weeks.  She is awake and alert much more during the day, and thankfully she continues to wake up only once or twice at night.  Her eyes are also much more focused and she gazes into the eyes of those holding her.  She has become quite the wiggle worm.  When laid on her back, she often throws her arms wide to the side and looks like she is in search of a hug.  She is quite the snuggler!  I've been doing a lot of "tummy time" with Lulu and she seems to really enjoy it, at least for a while until she gets a little frustrated that she can't move herself around more.  Her neck is getting very strong and she can push herself up a little bit with her arms, lift her head up and look around.  Having not been around newborns since my brother was born almost 20 years ago, I really am not aware of when babies should reach certain milestones, but it seems like she is developing well.  She's no longer the delicate little baby she once was.

Usually, she only cries when she wants one of three things: to nurse, to have her diaper changed, or to be held.  Nursing has continued to go well and I cherish the time I spend feeding my little daughter.  Recently, she has started coming off the breast at random times while breastfeeding, giving a little satisfied smile, and then going right back to work. 

She's also become a bit more fussy, but that is usually fixed by being bounced, rocked, or, even better, danced around the room.  She will also self-sooth by sucking her fist - or her thumb as we discovered just yesterday (we aren't using pacifiers).

Although daddy used to seem to have the magic touch when it came to calming his crying baby girl, the past few days all I've had to do is pick her up while she was crying and she'll stop.  I think that I'm also becoming more aware of her needs, her different cries and expressions, and the ways in which I can accommodate them.  I certainly would be lost without the baby books I've read and advice I've received from my relatives and other mothers, yet there is also an element of mothering that is intuative that I've developed through time spent with my little one. 

Perhaps what I've enjoyed most the past few weeks with Lucia are her facial expressions.  I never realized that babies were so expressive.  Some of her faces mean something concrete (she makes some very obvious "yum yum" faces when she's hungry), yet many others I believe are experimentation.  Just as she throws her arms and legs around, she is moving her face in new, creative, endearing (and hilarious) ways. 

If I could keep her as my newborn forever, I would, but since that isn't an option, I can't wait to see what she'll do next!

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On Marrying Young (Or Not): How I Met My Vocation

It's been a while since I last posted in my On Marrying Young Series, but I still have some thoughts on the series and several guest posts to share.  When Kate contacted me about writing a guest post on NOT marrying young, I was thrilled.  She married at the average age and represents a demographic of married couples I haven't yet touched on on this series.  There are blessings and difficulties about marrying at any age, and I'm so excited to share her story.  Thanks, Kate!

______________________

Took me 26 years to find him, but I wouldn't have it any different.

"Young" is a loaded term. When you're an 18-year-old senior in high school, you feel wise and mature in comparison to the oatmeal brained freshmen in the hallway. When you're 23 and the youngest person in the office, you feel like you hardly know anything and have years of learning to catch up on.

I was 26 when I married my husband in June of 2011, and my husband was 27. We were both out of school, had careers, and had been living on our own for years. This is pretty typical, I think.

On the other hand, we met in May of 2010, and started dating at the end of August. For you counters, that's 13 months (actually 12 months and 2 weeks) from "Hello" to "I do." Nearly everyone we knew thought we were insane.

I grew up the oldest of eight children, in a rambunctious, loving, Irish-Catholic family in Syracuse, NY. I started changing diapers around 6 or 7, and have been rocking and feeding babies, rescuing toddlers from the brink of death, settling fights between elementary schoolers, and helping middle schoolers with their homework ever since. I emerged from that upbringing certain of one thing: I would not get married, I would not have kids.

Name: Responsible Adult: Date: Someday

I went to a Jesuit college in Buffalo (Go Griffins!) with a career in journalism in mind, but when I graduated in 2007 newspapers were failing and I was pretty aimless. I wish I could say I was open to God's plan, or that I joined the Jesuit Volunteer Corps after prayer and discernment - I would be lying. I was tired of snow, and wanted something new. So I went to spend a year in Phoenix before I figured out my 'real life.'

Three years later, I was teaching High School English in a one-Walmart town scant minutes from the border, working in Youth Ministry for the Diocese of Tucson. I was a completely different person. I was attending weekly mass of my own volition, I was seeking my vocation, trying to teach for the Greater Glory of God every day (and frequently failing), and choosing to spend my weekends involve in retreats and Youth Ministry conferences, instead of doing anything else.

The year living alone after JVC,
 far from friends & family was
miserable, exhilarating, and instructive.

Through a year of JVC I learned to live, share, and communicate with people who were neither friends nor family. I fine-tuned my cooking skills. I learned that am fast, loud, and abrasive - and that some people are insurmountably slow, quiet, and meek - and how to live and work with them. A year of living alone taught me introspection. I learned to listen in prayer, to value conversations even with strangers. My first experiences of anti-Catholic prejudice taught me to cling fervently to my faith and defend it staunchly. I learned to thirst for the grace of the Eucharist, and to hunger for daily Mass.

And only then did I meet my husband.

Within weeks of dating, it became clear to me that he was my vocation - the one and only man God created intentionally to be my husband - and that the experiences and challenges of my life had been molding & shaping me into the woman he was meant to marry. Our first date was August 28th. I informed him that we would be getting married on October 16th. He proposed on December 23rd, and - as I've mentioned - we were married June 11th.

What you can't see is that it's 80
degrees, 95% humidity, and a
100-year-old church with no AC.
Thanks Syracuse.

I am happier - and I am closer to God, and to holiness than I've ever been. My husband is my golden ticket to sainthood, my best friend, and the one person with whom I can be entirely myself (I am incredibly weird and awkward in real life).

And I almost missed it.

I didn't realize that I was on my way to him - I had no idea, I couldn't see the scope of God's plan. I could only see the tiny moment I was in, and I was lonely, and angry, and - at that point - certain that I'd never get married, that I'd never find anyone who could possibly love me.

New Year's Eve. Isn't my husband handsome?

I was silly and short-sighted. I wasted far too much time on worthless relationships, and with a guy who didn't even value himself, let alone me. I didn't save myself for my husband, because I'd given up hope. I put up with being treated as less than precious, because I didn't realize I was precious.

And here's why I'm writing this: because God has a plan for you. Whether you believe it or not, His love for you is more vast than the universe, and you are an intricately carved piece in an enormous puzzle. There is a place for you - it may be married, it may be single, it may be religious life. When you reach the place that God has planned for you, you will be happier and more fulfilled than you can understand now. There will be hard days there - and there will be hard days on the way there - but God knows you better than you know yourself, and he's taken all of your foibles and strengths and traits into consideration.

I don't put any thought into whether I married young or old, whether we dated too long or too short, because I know I am where - and with whom - I am supposed to be: with the man God created to be my husband, in the home we make together.

I said I was changed, I never said I was perfect.

Kate lives and works in Tucson, AZ, with her husband Adam and Chewbacca the dog. She eats too many carbs, swears too frequently, and is incredibly grateful that she might get to heaven anyway. If you're not tired of her yammering yet, you can find more at http://imperfectkate.wordpress.com/

Please check out the other posts (including some great guest posts) in my On Marrying Young series.

7 Quick Takes Friday (Take 40)

--- 1 ---

What a blessed Christmas we had with my family this year!  This Christmas was less about presents than ever and more about spending time together with the new little addition to our family!  And of course, it was about Christ.  I really enjoyed attending Mass on Christmas day – it took the emphasis off presents, especially since we didn’t open them until afterward.  I definitely think this is a tradition we are going to keep, especially when we have children old enough to be excited by gifts.

--- 2 ---

One of my favorite family moments on Christmas was taking pictures in front of the Christmas tree.  My dad got a really nice SLR camera last year and was able to set it up on a tripod with the autotimer so that all of us – my grandparents, parents, brother, husband, baby and I - could be in the picture.  I don’t remember the last time we’ve all been in a picture together, at least one person is always left out to take the picture.  With my grandparents advanced age and declining health, these pictures and memories are especially important.

--- 3 ---

One of my love languages is gifts, but I love giving much more than receiving.  This year, I feel like I found the perfect gifts for each family member and it was so rewarding to see that they each were genuinely excited to receive them.  I don’t know about you, but I really dislike giving “filler” gifts when I can’t think of something personalized for each person.  I was a little bummed that with the baby I wasn’t able to spend the time to make homemade gifts, but sometimes the perfect gift just can’t be homemade (for example, the flexible tripod we bought for my dad).  Next year, I am going to attempt some homemade gifts though.

--- 4 ---

I was able to see my best friend three days this week before she flew back to Atlanta!  She was so excited to meet my baby girl and we got to spend a lot of time just chatting and catching up.  We are very different in some very obvious ways (I’m a devout Catholic, she’s agnostic, I’m married with a child and she is very unattached, she’s in grad school and very career driven while I’m a stay-at-home-mom), but we are very similar in other ways and never run out of things to talk about.  We were acquaintances in high school and didn’t become best friends until we went on a school-led trip to Europe right after we graduated from high school.  She went to school out of state at the end of that summer and we’ve never lived near each other since.  In fact, the past few months have marked the first time we’ve lived in the same time zone since we’ve become best friends.  While we are able to maintain our friendship with phone calls and emails, nothing can replace seeing her in person and getting a hug from my dearest friend! 

--- 5 ---

We went to dinner last night with my brother-in-law and his fiancée.  They just adored their little niece and soon-to-be goddaughter (she’ll be baptized this Sunday!).  I don’t know if I mentioned it before, but my soon-to-be sister-in-law asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding!  I’ve never been a bridesmaid before and I am so very thrilled to be a part of their wedding.  My husband and I are so happy to have a sister and she is such a blessing to our family, a very thoughtful and kind woman of God!

--- 6 ---

Did you see the post about the Baby on a Budget Series I’m planning?  I am looking for guest bloggers to write posts about how they are raising/have raised babies/children on limited means.  If you are interested in writing something, email me at catholicnewlywed@gmail.com.  I want this series to be helpful to couples who are contemplating having children despite not being as financially stable as our society suggests is necessary for starting a family and for those couples who are currently expecting a baby or have a young child and are looking for some ways to be more thrifty.  If you have any suggestions of topics you’d like to read about, let me know by commenting or emailing me!

--- 7 ---

I haven’t written anything in my On Marrying Young Series in a while, but I do plan on continuing it.  I have some more ideas for posts, including incorporating it with the Baby on a Budget Series by writing about the decision to start a family (or not) when you marry young.  Again, I’d also love some more perspectives on the topic (especially some by people who haven’t married young – I’d like to present both sides of the issue!), so if you are interested in writing a guest post, email me.  I think the best posts in the series so far were by guest bloggers who gave their personal experience. 

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!