Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Lightning Never Strikes the Same Place Twice

I haven't posted in the last few weeks. Every time a (female) blogger (of childbearing age) takes an unannounced blogging break, I immediately suspect pregnancy. And I'm right about 90% of the time.  So if you suspected me, you were right. I was pregnant. 

Was. Past tense. Today we got confirmation that we will be miscarrying again. We suspected that might be the case for a while. I had three ultrasounds and each one showed only a gestational sac a couple weeks behind in growth. But today, I would have been 9.5 weeks pregnant (8.5 by my first ultrasound) and there was still an empty sac. No baby. No heartbeat. 

There were also other things that pointed to a miscarriage from the beginning - a relative lack of symptoms, getting a positive test on the late side - all sadly similar to my miscarriage in October.  But I hoped that I was just being paranoid and there was a little voice in the back of my mind reminding me that miscarrying back to back is rare and that surely, it wouldn't happen to me again, at least not now.  Maybe later, after we'd had another healthy pregnancy and child.  But not twice in a row.  After all, lightening never strikes the same place twice. 

Except it does. In fact, it hits the Empire State Building hundreds of times a year.  Lightening is attracted to certain things and whatever makes a place attract lightening once will continue to attract it over and over again. 

Going into our appointment today, we knew that we were most likely looking at a miscarriage so we are doing surprisingly well at the moment. I'm sure we'll have some hard times ahead of us, especially as I actually begin to bleed, so I ask that you keep our family in your prayers.  

It's hard to let go of not only this baby, but also the idea of adding a new (living) member of our family this year.  We had so desired Lucia to have a sibling close to her in age, but looking ahead, we know that she will be at least three before a new baby is born, if we are ever so blessed.  We continue to struggle with realizing that we do not have the ability to plan our family and fertility and that we are subject to forces beyond ourselves, both nature and our God.



21 comments:

  1. Oh, Mandi. I am so, so sorry. Prayers for you and your family.

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  2. Oh, Mandi, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm praying for you, your family and the two little saints you have in heaven.

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  3. So sorry for you loss! I've had back to back miscarriages and still ended up with healthy babies after that, please stay hopeful! Thinking of you, and praying for you!

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  4. I'm so sorry. I've been there so I know it is hard. I'll be praying for your strength.

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  5. Oh, Mandi, my heart is so broken for you. I will keep your whole family in my prayers.

    I know how excited you were recently to be an aunt, and I remembered the beautiful story of your necklace from your sister in Heaven. I can't help but think of her, welcoming two sweet little nieces/nephews into Heaven with open arms. I hope that thought is some tiny comfort at such a difficult time.

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  6. Mandi, I am so sorry. I will be praying for strength and peace for your entire family.

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  7. Many many prayers, Mandi. I am so so sorry for your losses. I will certainly be thinking of you.

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  8. Thoughts and prayer to you and your family. I am so, so sorry for your loss and heartbreak.

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  9. Oh Mandi, I am so, so sorry to hear this. Know that I will be praying for you & your family.

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  10. I am so very sorry. Sending prayers to you & your family.

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  11. Oh, Mandi. So very very sorry. You continue to be in my prayers and now even more so. How I wish I could hug you in person.

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  12. I'm so sorry, Mandi. You and your family are in my prayers.

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  13. I am so, so sorry. Prayers for you.

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  14. I'll remember you and your dear family in my rosary tonight. Hang in there.

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  15. Mandi, I am so sorry for your loss. My husband and I are offering you and your family up in our prayers for the rest of February.

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  16. Mandi - I am just now reading this. I am so very sorry to hear of your miscarriage. Miscarriage sucks. Oh my it is so hard. I had 2 miscarriages in a row twice (both before and after Elizabeth), please know of my heartfelt prayers and if you ever want to talk, just let me know. Our Lady of Perpetual Help, pray for us!

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