A huge thank you to Michele for writing this guest post for me while we are still settling in to our new home! And it's on a topic that is so important to me - taking my little one to Mass. Michele has a book with tips for teaching the faith to the little children and I can't wait to snag a copy for my own little family. Oh, and Michele just had a new, sweet baby girl, so you should definitely hop over to her blog to say, "Congratulations!" (After you read this post, of course.)
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Hi, friends! And thanks to Mandi for letting me spend some time with you all!
I
wanted to share with you something near and dear to my heart and yours -
some thoughts on getting through Sunday Mass with little ones.
But first, I want to share with you a story from long before I became a mother.
The summer before I married my husband, I got a grant to return to a place that is near and dear to my heart.
Misericordia is a residential community that serves a large number of
people with varying degrees of disability. The work I did there that
summer was primarily ministry work - starting up some Bible Study
groups, doing mini-retreats with the residents, etc. My favorite part of
my work, though, was the Sacramental preparation that I got to do.
One
of the young men that I had the privilege of preparing for the
Sacraments of the Eucharist and Confirmation, was a teenager with very
severe disabilities. We’ll call him “Francis,” since that was his
Confirmation name. :-) Francis was in his late teens, in a wheelchair,
mostly blind, mostly non-verbal (I think he could say, “Yeah,” and make
various noises, but he couldn’t really talk), and had severe mental
disabilities. We spent time together, each week, in the chapel in his
residence, preparing to receive Jesus and the Gift of the Holy Spirit.
As
you can imagine, preparing Francis to receive these Sacraments required
me to have an entirely different mindset about Sacramental preparation
and catechesis. Yes, when we sat together in the chapel, I would talk to
him about the Scriptures behind the Sacraments (i.e. the Last Supper
and Pentecost) and we would talk about how the bread became the Body of
Christ, and how in Confirmation he would receive the seven gifts of the
Holy Spirit. I did teach him all these basic catechetical facts. But, as
you can imagine, I knew that with no possible way of getting feedback
from him, I couldn’t rely on words alone to teach him.
So,
I made our time together in the chapel special and set apart from the
rest of his day. I had soft music playing when we entered the chapel
together, and we always started our time together praying before Jesus
in the tabernacle. You see, that was my greatest strategy with Francis -
just putting him in the presence of Jesus in the Eucharist. I knew that
I could teach him an awful lot, but I also knew he couldn’t understand
everything I taught him. Where I lacked, Jesus would fill in.
The
day of his First Communion and Confirmation arrived. I had been
rehearsing receiving the Eucharist with him by giving him small pieces
of unconsecrated host (because he had some oral issues, too), and
explaining to him that when he received Jesus it would taste like that,
but it wouldn’t be bread - it would be Jesus. Judging from his disgusted
looks when he received mere bread from me, I wasn’t sure what to
expect. The moment of his First Communion arrived. The priest gave him a
small particle of Jesus. This normally serious looking young guy looked
startled for a second and then...he smiled. It was a full, genuine look
of joy. Nothing external prompted it either...it had to have been the
fact that the Jesus who he had come to know during his times in the
chapel had finally entered him and filled him with his infinite Love.
Fast
forward a few years and my husband and I had our first little girl. As
babies and toddlers go, she wasn’t (and isn’t) all that bad at Mass.
Yes, she has her phases of misbehavior, and yes, she is not perfectly
quiet or still during every Mass. Yes, I have had many Mass experiences
with her where I inwardly cringe as I envision what the other people at
our church must be thinking about her and her parents.
BUT I also keep in mind what Francis taught me.
Yes,
I want my little girl to know how to behave at Mass (and she actually
has made great strides in that area). Yes, I want her to learn about her
faith, and to learn how to pray (including learning by rote the prayers
we all learn in the course of our catechesis). But I want something
more for her - a real love for Jesus and His Church. I want her to see
Mass as a place where she comes to be with Jesus and know His love. Of
course I try to get her to pay attention at Mass and behave properly
(and we’re super blessed because she really does most of the time at
this point!). But, more than that, I want her to desire Jesus and to
long for Him. I want her to experience His love in a concrete way.
So
with Francis in mind, I’ve altered how I correct her at Mass, and how I
treat her. There were many Masses in her earlier days when I was just
so frustrated with her - and it showed. I focused on my disappointment
over her behavior (we’re talking about a one year old, here...) and
wondered if she’d ever learn to behave at Mass. But slowly, that
shifted. I began to see Mass as a time when my husband and I could model
good behavior for her and lay out some basic, general rules to follow
(i.e. don’t crawl around on the floor, no talking other than praying or
occasional whispering to Mommy and Daddy, etc.). But beyond those basic
rules- I just decided to love her, and to consciously place her in the
presence of Jesus in the Eucharist. Of course I teach her about her
faith. (Between her dad and I we’ve got four degrees in theology and
he’s working on adding a fifth one to our total...so we are pretty big
on catechesis in our family!) Of course she is beginning to learn the
basics. But I try not to get frustrated with her tuning in and out of
Mass, needing to move and wiggle, occasionally forgetting herself and
talking during consecration (okay, maybe more than occasionally), etc.
etc. Instead, I focus on holding her tenderly and with love, modeling
the love of Christ for her. I want Mass to be a place that she knows
will be safe - a place where she must behave, but a place where she
learns to behave so that she can come to know the peaceful stillness
that only Christ’s love can bring to her little heart.
So
practically, what do I do? I pass on my own immense love for Jesus in
the Eucharist by talking to her about Him a lot, and by also making a
point of teaching her to pray to Jesus who “loves her and is always
there for her, waiting in the tabernacle.” After Communion, I tell her
that Jesus is inside of me, and tells her that He is close to my heart
because I love Him so much. I’ve taught her to tell Him that she loves
Him each time she comes to Mass (and even to blow Him a kiss!). During
the Mass, her dad and I try to keep our corrections gentle but firm. We
both try to stay as calm as we can (not that we always succeed) to model
for her the kind of calmness and quiet we must have at Mass. And when
all else fails, we hold her - but we hold her with a lot of affection and
tenderness. (We DO take her out if her misbehavior is disruptive and
she needs to calmed down...but thankfully those times are pretty rare as
she gets older. No worries...her new little baby sister will be
throwing us for a loop as soon as she’s born!) Now, undoubtedly, that
won’t work for every kid (my goddaughter comes to mind, little spark plug
that she is!) but the key is finding some way to give your child a
taste of God’s love at Mass. It may just be in trying to curb your
frustration over their misbehavior so you can model God’s patience to
them. It may be in holding them and giving them some extra attention.
This will look different for every child.
The
bottom line is, though - it’s not all on you. Even if you are
frustrated and worn out during Mass with littles, you must not lose
sight of the one thing you ARE doing right. You are putting them in the
presence of Jesus in the Eucharist. And ultimately, over time, He can
and will work more on their hearts than you ever could. Just as he did
with Francis.
So,
each time you go to Mass, rather than fretting about your ability to
control your little crazy ones, focus on giving them to the care of
Jesus in the Eucharist. Do your best to patiently and gently correct and
re-direct them, but know that ultimately it isn’t about what you do.
It’s about what He does, working in their little hearts. By bringing
even your littlest ones to be with Him, week after week (and even
weekday after weekday!), you are doing far more than you know. Keep up
the good work!
If
you’d like to hear even more thoughts (from me and another mom of
little ones!) on surviving these early years with your littles, please
check out my latest book! You can pick up a copy of Faith Beginnings from Liguori's website, Amazon, and hopefully soon at a Catholic bookstore near you!
