Opposites Attract

My best friend and I are very different.  And yet very much the same. We met in high school, had classes together, and yet weren’t what you would call “friends”.  Acquaintances, really.  Then, right after graduation, we went on a school sponsored trip to Europe and that was the beginning of our friendship.  I don’t really know how or when we became best friends.  It’s not very likely that we would since she moved several states away for college, but through the distance our friendship thrived.  Even when she moved to England for a year to get her master’s.  Even now as she is back home living with her parents and I am, for the first time, the one who is a thousand miles away.  I am immensely grateful for her friendship, her love and support.  Without her, I don’t think I would have ever married my husband, because I wouldn’t have had the necessary faith to sustain a long distance relationship with him.  But because I saw that a long distance friendship was possible, I thought a long distance relationship might work as well (and it did).

My best friend is one of the most kind and thoughtful people I know.  Very humanitarian, very caring.   She is also very classy, having ettiquette in a society that seems to have forgotten the meaning of the word.  I too am traditional, and in this way we are similar.  We like sitting for long periods of time, drinking coffee and chatting.  We like making homemade meals and reading classic literature.  I imagine, someday, we will both be quite sufficient homemakers with lovely families.

Although, I will be content to have homemaker as my only job, and she will always work outside the home.  I took my husband’s name and she vows she never will - marriage will not change who she is, is how she explains it (although I think you would be hard pressed to find many married people who think it does not change you in profound ways much more important than in name).  Of course, our families will look different as well: the picture she sends out at Christmas will consist of her, her husband, two children, and a cat or two.  Mine (hopefully) will include David, our many children (five to eight, we are thinking) and a dog or two.  Set aside our obvious difference in pet preference (my father and I are both allergic to cats, so we had no choice but to be dog people), and you will see different lifestyle choices which in turn point to the main difference in our friendship: our different beliefs.

My best friend is agnostic while I am devoutly Catholic.  My world view is dictated by my faith, my love of God, and the teachings of the Catholic Church.  Her world view comes from, well, the world.  From what her parents taught her, from her own experiences, from the ebbs and flows of society.  This has never been a problem in our friendship.  She has (almost) always been respectful of my beliefs, and I welcome her questions and debates because they force me to look deeper into the facets of my religion.  I am most certainly a stronger Catholic because of her. 

I struggle with the fact that she is not Catholic (or Christian or even religious at all), because I want her to experience what I have in my faith.  I also worry about what will happen to her after she dies.  She is my best friend and I love her immensely, so of course I want her to experience the joy of Christ and I want heaven for her.  I’m aware that it is not politically correct to think this way.  We are supposed to respect other people’s religious choices (and I do) and leave them alone.  In a relativist world, we are supposed to believe that people can do whatever they want as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else.  But if you truly believe in the Christian faith, then you must believe in a heaven and hell as well.  It is not up to me to attempt to judge who enters heaven and who enters hell, but I am loath to believe that ever person who dies goes to heaven, like many in our society think (when someone dies, you always hear, “He is in a better place” - but how are you so sure??).  While there may be other routes to heaven, I believe the Jesus Christ gave us one clear path to heaven - through Him.  So while many people would chide me for worrying about the soul of my best friend, for wishing she would convert, but how can I not?  I do love her for who she is, I don’t want her to change for any other reason than I want her to achieve heaven.  And if that’s not politically correct, I don’t want to be politically correct.

Sorry I started to ramble a bit at the end, but this is something I had to get off my chest for a while. 

I voted, did you?

And if you haven't yet, what are you waiting for?

As someone who went to school to become a high school social studies teacher, I understand the importance of politics and the privilege/responsibility of voting.  In fact, I consider election day to be the biggest test for my (future) students, one that obviously doesn't affect their grade but will be the ultimate judge of my ability to teach.  If my students understand the basic government system, have enough information to know how to research candidates and topics and make informed decision, and actually put their knowledge to use by voting, joining a campaign, or even running for public office, then I have done my work.  Of course, I have my own political opinions, but I'm not interested in indoctrinating young people, just empowering them to make their own decisions based on fact and understanding of the political, social and economic systems (past and present) of this country and around the world.  Of course, this is all hypothetical, since I am currently a Starbucks employee and not a teacher, but someday...

I also believe that being politically active is our responsibility as Catholics.  Of course there is a separation of church and state (as there should be), but we should continue to fight for the dignity of human life.  This means fighting for the rights of the poor, hungry, homeless, as well as unborn, handicapped, and elderly.  We should also fight for freedom of speech and religion so that all people can have the freedom to worship as they wish.  Once the rights of even a few are stripped, it is so easy to slowly take away the rights of all.

This is, obviously, a very important issue to me.

My Place in Popular Culture

I love women’s magazines.  I love the articles and the advice and the fashion (although I can never afford it).  Although recently, I’ve been very turned off by the vast amount of articles and information in these magazines that are blatantly go against everything I believe.  Recently in a women’s health magazine, there was a short article touting the merits of the revolutionary new “plan B” type pill that can “stop pregnancy” up to five days after sex.  I was appalled.  Is this what the readers of women’s magazines are looking forward to reading about?

Recently, I was excited to receive a magazine that I thought was for newlyweds, but it ended up just being for people who are “living together”, whether they be married or not.  There were tons of articles about sex toys, pornography, etc. and very little about decorating a home and maintaining a healthy relationship (unless the only key to a healthy relationship is a active sex life).

This is similar to how I felt about books and resources that were available while I was planning my wedding, and preparing for marriage and newlywed life.  Most of the books I encountered assumed that couples were already living together before marriage, that all couples were having sex before marriage even if they were living separately, that birth control was the only option for preventing pregnancy, and rarely discussed children other than how to prevent them with the various birth control options.  I could not relate to the women that these books were written by because I was not a woman that these books were for.

Am I the only one that would love to see more books and magazines that are guided by Catholic principles?  I would think that there is a market for it.  There are magazines for Catholic mothers and there are many books that discuss the Church’s teachings on marriage, family, etc.  But there is a need for book and magazines for the Catholic woman in general (single women and wives, not just mothers).

7 Quick Takes Friday (Take 1)

1. I have been wanting to write my own 7 Quick Takes Friday since I first read one at Abre Los Ojos.  I planned to write one last Friday, but was called into work to cover for a pregnant coworker (pregnant with twins!) who had to go on short-term disability unexpectantly early (she's only about five months).  I even wrote an entire post about how disappointed I was to have missed it last Saturday, only to have my post accidentally deleted by a tumblr problem.  I was so sad (and angry) to have lost my entire post, that I didn't have the energy or patience to write again until now.

2. My best friend didn't kill me when I told her David and I were planning to start a family sometime in the next year.  In fact, she was a little bit excited that she's going to be an "auntie"!  Let me tell you, this was quite a relief.  When we got married, David and I were told that we shouldn't have children for several years (at least until he is done with grad school).  We were told this by both our families (in fact, his parents weren't originally so keen on the idea of us getting married because they thought we were not stable enough for a family), our friends, people we barely new.  While many newly married couples seem to face the question, "When are you going to have children?", we never once were asked that question and instead were given unsolicited advice to wait.  Which was exactly what we wanted to do before we got married.  Now, the more we read about the Church's teaching on marriage, sex, natural family planning, etc., the more we are convinced that God is calling us to be parents (get this) EVEN THOUGH IT MAY NOT BE "PERFECT TIMING" (according to our society).  Well, if we are waiting for the perfect time, we may never be parents because it is always easy to find an excuse to wait.  So telling my best friend was nice (and relieving) and will prepare me for talking to my parents about it.  I shouldn't be so worried about what other people think, but I still don't want to disappoint my parents (I'm sure they'll get over it once they have a grandchild in their arms).

3. I don't know how to make friends.  Every friend I have, I made either in school (one of my dearest friends, I've gone to school with fourth grade through college) or helping at the youth group at my old church.  I am no longer in school.  My church doesn't seem to have many young people, much less young married couples. (The university has a Catholic Church right off campus, but my husband and I like the more traditional feel of the church we go to.  Unfortunately tradition = old people far too much.)  Some of my coworkers seem nice, but what I/we really need right now are some Catholic couples that can offer us support and understand where we are right now.  As far as I can tell, there are no groups for young Catholic couples in the area.  Any suggestions?

4. I've needed a lot of new clothes for a while now, and I finally went on a shopping spree...at Goodwill.  I don't know if this is because it is a college town, but they had an amazing amount of nearly brand new name brand clothing.  I've shopped at thrift stores in the past, but I've always had trouble finding nice things, and therefore kind of always looked down on it, but this has changed my mind.  We don't have a lot of money right now, especially if we are saving up to have a baby sometime in the near future, and this was such a nice break on our checking account.  I really needed winter clothes, and now I have plenty for what it would have cost for only a few items elsewhere.

5. I don't know if you could tell by my last one, but I love getting a deal.  I love finding bargains, using coupons, and saving money.  My mom is the same way, and I am very grateful that she taught me how to be responsible with money.  My brother grew up in the same house as me, but he spends money as soon as he has it.  Is that a male thing?  My dad is the same way.  They are both very hard workers, but they like to spend their hard-earned money.  My mom has to constantly trick my dad into thinking they have less money than they do, so that he doesn't spend the money she is trying to save.  You would think they would have come to an agreement after all these years (30 years this past August!), but alas, they have not.

6. I need to start hard-core Christmas shopping NOW.  Now that we're married, I have double the amount of presents to buy.  We are going home for an early "Christmas" with our families the second week in December, because I can't get time off from Starbucks closer to the holidays.  Which means I have to have all of our presents bought by then, to either take home or mail out early enough to family and friends elsewhere.  That gives me two weeks less to shop than most people.  Giving gifts is one of my favorite things in the world to do (I firmly believe that giving is much better than receiving).  I have a few already that I have found in the past month or so, but I'm really beginning to feel the heat to get the perfect presents in time.

7. David and I started wearing the Brown Scapular of Our Lady of Mount Carmel.  It is so great, it really is.  More than anything, I love it because it reminds me when I put my clothes on in the morning that I am wearing a sign of devotion to Mary and our Lord, and that I should behave accordingly.  My mother-in-law brought them to us when they visited recently and for all my reservations about her, she is a good Catholic woman and I appreciate having her guidance in our lives.  I'm sure this will come up in later posts, but even though I was raised Catholic, my family is not very devoted or knowledgeable about the faith.

Oh, oh, oh!  This should have been one of my seven, I don't know how I forgot to mention it because it is one of the most exciting things in my life, but my 79-year-old Jewish grandfather just talked to a priest about becoming Catholic!

And please visit www.conversiondiary.com to read more 7 Quick Takes Fridays!

Payday

Tomorrow is payday.  I look forward to payday (as I think many people do) not because I am anxiously awaiting money so I can pay my bills but because I can see the fruit of my labor.  How much more exciting is heaven for those who have labored for their God here on earth! Shouldn’t we anticipate heaven with much more trepidation than we anticipate payday?  Shouldn’t we work much harder for the eternal reward than we do for our paychecks?  Am I the only one that sees disorder in how many people set their priorities?