I’ve been stressing about the blog a lot lately. I’ve really been wanting to do great things with this blog. When I first started it the purpose was to connect with other young Catholic women, and in that respect, it’s been a great success. I’ve made two “real life” friends here in Raleigh because of it, several other blogging friends that I’ve come to cherish just as much as the friends I’ve met in person, and I belong to a great group of faithful women, #CathSorority.
But in the past six months or so, I was hoping this blog would do great things: a) help other women, and b) be a vehicle to something bigger and better for myself. I think the blog series (On Marrying Young, Baby on a Budget, and Broken) I’ve started have been the most helpful, but in truth, the credit for those goes to all the contributors that have written for them.
When I mean I wanted this blog to propel me to bigger and better things, I don’t mean that this blog is not worth my time or that it is simply a means to an end. But I do have dreams of being able to (help) support my family through writing and through Catholic outreach and I hoped that this would help me find a place in those arenas. But despite all the time and energy I put into it, I’m still a very tiny blogger in a very large internet and I feel that if I would want to really gain readership and “fame”, I would need to specialize with a niche blog and sacrifice even more time and energy.
And I’m just not willing to do that right now.
I have a six month old daughter that needs mommy’s time and attention. I don’t want to spend my time staring at a computer screen instead of watching her grow up. So, I’m going to be contented with this blog where it is, where it’s brought me thus far, and the people it’s allowed me to meet. Maybe someday in the future I’ll expand it. Maybe someday, I’ll start pursuing my dreams of writing again. Maybe.
Or maybe not. I hope you will stay with me in the meantime.
I know that I’m not the first blogger to feel this way. I’ve read similar posts in several other blogs I follow. And I’ll admit, I just didn’t get it then. I didn’t understand how people could feel that blogging was getting in the way of their family or pursuing their real life hobbies and interests. But now I know. I feel like all bloggers have to get to that point on their own, step back, reevaluate their priorities and goals, and move forward. We all seem to live our lives in seasons, some that seem to be brimming with productivity and energy, others in which we can barely hang on. Right now, I'm feeling more like the latter. I have a feeling this won’t be the first time I'll feel this way, I’m sure at some point in the future, I will find myself being sucked back into my blog again, my hours disappearing in front of a computer screen, the envy boiling up in me as I follow craft bloggers with beautiful images, fashion bloggers who looks so put together, mom bloggers with their amazing parenting ideas, or Catholic bloggers who are so pious, holy, and theological. But hopefully, I'll be able to recognize these feelings early on next time and redirect my thoughts from envy to gratitude. Gratitude for my own blessings and God given gifts, and prayers that I am able to discover what they are and use them to the best of my ability.
How do you balance all the aspects of your life? How do you make time for your hobbies? What is the first to go when you are feeling overwhelmed? What prayers and Saints do you find aid you in setting priorities?
What are your God given gifts? How did you discover them? How to you enhance and nourish them?