I'm reading the autobiography of St. Therese of Lisieux, The Story of a Soul, and came across a particular passage that really touched me as a mother who recently lost two children in the womb. She wrote:
After Marie entered the Carmel, and I no longer had her to listen to my scruples, I turned towards Heaven and confided them to the four little angels who had already gone before me, for I thought that these innocent souls, who had never known sorrow or fear, ought to have pity on their poor little suffering sister. I talked to them with childish simplicity, telling them that, as I was the youngest of the family, I had always been the most petted and loved by my parents and sisters; that if they had remained on earth they would no doubt have given me the same proofs of their affection. The fact that they had gone to Heaven seemed no reason why they should forget me--on the contrary, as they were able to draw from the treasury of Heaven, they ought to obtain for me the grace of peace, and prove that they still knew how to love me.The answer was not long in coming; soon my soul was flooded with the sweetest peace. I knew that I was loved, not only on earth but also in Heaven. From that time my devotion for these little brothers and sisters increased; I loved to talk to them and tell them of all the sorrows of this exile, and of my wish to join them soon in our Eternal Home.
St. Therese's siblings did not die during pregnancy, but they did die in infancy/early childhood. Therese, being the youngest of the family, never knew them and yet she knew of them and was able to form a relationship with them. From a young age, she loved them. She felt their love for her. They continued to be a part of her life.
I've been struggling quite a bit thinking of how we are going to talk about our babies with Lucia. We told her that I was pregnant as soon as I found out and we told her afterward that the babies had gone to heaven, but I'm fairly certain she no longer remembers. She also currently has no understanding of death or heaven or even of siblings. So we haven't talked to her about her siblings since our last loss. I'm not sure if we'll continue to be silent for a while until she has a greater understanding of these concepts or if we'll start bringing them up, perhaps during her nightly prayers. What I am sure of is that I want her to have a relationship with her siblings like St. Therese had with hers, based on love and faith.
You can download a free copy of The Story of a Soul for Kindle here. (You do not need a Kindle to do so, you can download the free Kindle Reading App to your computer, phone, or tablet.)