Monday, February 24, 2014

Baby Naming

I started writing this post last week but left it unfinished in the drafts because I didn't quite know if I was ready to share this.  And then, I saw this baby name link up at Team Whitaker and figured that was my sign to finish it up and press publish.

I was one of those girls who had notebooks full of baby names long before meeting my husband.  I think it's safe to say that none of those baby names will go to use (and for good reason - middle schoolers aren't very discerning when it comes to baby names), however, I still obsess over baby names.  And I honestly think that's a good thing.  Naming a child is a huge responsibility, perhaps one of the things we do as parents that affects them numerous times a day as they meet new people, fill out paperwork, answer phone calls, etc.  Like it or not, your child's name with give people first impressions of who they are even though their names say more about you than they might about them.  

Writing Lucia's name on the social security paperwork shortly after birth was probably the most surreal thing about the whole birth experience.  We were just adjusting to the idea that we had a daughter (we did not find out the sex before birth and I was convinced that we were having a son) and even though we had a name picked out months before, we just seemed inadequate for the task of naming her.  It's almost as if giving her a name was what made us parents.  After all, that is something that only a parent does.  (Not sure why I didn't quite feel that being pregnant or giving birth clearly marked me as "mom" but motherhood is complicated, ok?)  I think the naming process wouldn't have been so daunting if we had found out the sex and had referred to our child by that name in utero for months, instead of having mere hours before having to write it on paperwork, but we loved the surprise and we're planning to keep it the same every pregnancy forever.

Sometimes naming a child has much less far-reaching implications.  David and I have decided to name the two babies we lost to miscarriage.  Few people will ever use their names.  We'll never see them on name tags or write them on paperwork. But the names of all three of our children are important and they were all painstakingly chosen, so I've decided to include them all here.


Since we didn't find out whether Lucia was a boy or girl, we had to have two names at the ready.  The boys name was picked out before we were even pregnant (and in some ways before I even met my husband).  The girl's name was much harder to nail down since it seemed David and I had opposite taste in names.  My main choice for name inspiration was a book of women Saints that I owned.  I would thumb through the pages looking for names that I liked and only read the corresponding story if I felt the name was "in the running".  There were several names that were clearly not going to happen, like Hedwig and Hildegarde, but anything I half liked I ran by David and 99% he turned down on the spot.  Very early on, two front runners emerged: Alena and Lucia.  Alena was actually the favorite for quite some time and I can't remember why we decided on Lucia instead, but we did so somewhere between 20 and 30 weeks.  Lucia's name is equally in honor of St. Lucy and Sr. Lucia of Fatima as my husband has a great devotion to Our Lady of Fatima.  Her middle name, Rose, was decided from the very beginning.  It is my middle name and my aunt's middle name in honor of my great grandmother, Rosa. 


After my miscarriage in October, several people urged us to name the baby.  It took a week or so before we felt comfortable with doing so.  Naming a miscarried child seemed so different than naming a living one.  We had names picked out for our next baby before this one was even conceived, but it didn't feel right to use either one of them.  I know many parents feel comfortable giving the child a gender specific name based on their gut instincts, but I didn't feel one way or another with that baby and was wrong with my gut instinct that Lucia was a boy, so we decided to choose a gender neutral name.  Searching "gender neutral Saint names" don't come up with many results, but I immediately found one that I loved: Francis.  Although more commonly associated with boys, Frances is a common enough girl's name and St. Frances Cabrini is one of my favorite Saints.  The biggest decision we had to make was which spelling to use.  While researching the name, I found a source that said that until the last few centuries, both spellings were used interchangeably for boys and girls, so we simply went with the one that was most aesthetically appealing to me.  We chose the middle name Michael after the Archangel.  When I think of this baby, I think of the baby being either "my Frank or Frannie" and joyfully look forward to the day when I find out which nickname fits.


This may sound a bit strange, but I had already chosen the name of our recently miscarried baby before I got pregnant again.  It was a gender neutral name that would only be used for another lost baby.  Not that I necessarily expected to miscarry again (and I truly did not think I would miscarry twice in a row) but it was a name that I came across when I found the name Francis and tucked away as another favorite.  It feels a bit odd to give a child a specific name because he/she passed before birth while we would have given that same child a different name had he/she been born.  But at the same time, we feel blessed to be able to do the only thing we can do to parent this child other than conception: name him/her.  We chose the name Julian Gabriel.  Julian, while usually considered masculine, is the name of many Catholic Saints, including the female St. Julian of Norwich.  Gabriel, like the middle name we chose for Francis, is in honor of the Archangel. 



I'm attempting this madness at the behest of Jen:



14 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for sharing this.

    (((((Mandi)))))

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  2. Those are both beautiful. Thank you for sharing them with us. I find it so helpful to ask for our baby's intercession using a specific name! I think often about whether our Joseph Mary in heaven is a girl or boy and if a girl, I'm hoping she's okay with that name or maybe we can call her Josephine :)

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  3. They are beautiful names, Mandi. I also have always loved the name Francis.

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  4. This was so beautiful, thank you for sharing. I think it was wonderful of you to name the two that are forever in your heart even if they can not be with you physically

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  5. Beautiful, beautiful names, Mandi. Thank you for sharing this. All three of your children and you and your husband, are in my prayers.

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  6. Beautiful Mandy. We too have named our miscarried child. It was over a year after it happened but I feel more closure and peace knowing we have a name.

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  7. Thank you for being brave and sharing this post with the world. Beautiful insights.

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  8. Beautiful names. Thank you for sharing this.

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  9. I'm so glad you shared about naming the babies you lost. I think it's a beautiful gesture that gives their lives meaning. It reflects the importance God sees in them I believe. And the names you choose were so lovely. I love what you wrote about Julian, that is a great saints name for boy or girl!

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  10. I'm so glad you've shared your names. Lost babies should get names too (and they should be used, but maybe that's just me). I've been pregnant 5 times and only have one child (my third pregnancy resulted in my beautiful daughter). My first lost baby I call Elias. My second started me naming my babies after the emotion I felt most during the pregnancy or loss. My 2nd baby is Grace for the incredible amount of God's Grace I felt during that time. My 3rd pregnancy (the only successful one yet) is my Selah Faith. Her middle name is for the faith in God I needed (and had!) in God that I would have a healthy baby at the end (and I did!). My 4th pregnancy (3rd loss) is Joy for the joy I had when I found out I was pregnant so easily, so quickly after my daughter's birth (she was 6mo). Then my most recent pregnancy, my 5th pregnancy and 4th loss, is Hope. I had Hope and I lost Hope/hope. I'm just now starting to have hope again.

    Sorry this was such a long comment. Names for our lost little ones and their meanings are pretty important, but not everyone understands.

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  11. Beautiful names. We have a Julian...well...Pio Julian...for the same reasons. When we first discovered miscarriage was a possibility, immediate I knew our baby was Pio Julian. And had that baby lived, we would have used Pia for a girl. Our little Baby Pio intercedes for us, just as his or her patron Padre Pio does so strongly in our lives! Beautiful post, Mandi. Thank you for the bravery of sharing.

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  12. Beautiful! Thank you for sharing the names of all your children.

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  13. I love all those names, and I'm so glad you named your miscarried children. Thank you for sharing.

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  14. We named our daughter we miscarried, too. That brought me great peace. Thank you for sharing all your children's names :) ~K

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