Church: Babies & Toddlers Not Welcome?

Due to David's work schedule this weekend, we went to Mass yesterday afternoon at the church closest to us, which is not the church where we are parishioners.  (If you're wondering what I wore, it was a rerun of this outfit sans leggings.)  Every time we attend this church, we feel extremely unwelcome and yesterday was no exception.  The reason we are unwelcome is because we have a toddler who, at times, can be noisy.  Today, we were told we must take her into the cry room. In fact, it was the last straw. 

David and I are working very hard to teach our daughter appropriate Mass behavior and involve her in the Mass.  We don't allow snacks or toys, instead opting for children's books about Mass.  When she gets particularly noisy, we take her out into the lobby, as we did yesterday , and bring her back in when she is settled down so she can participate in the Mass.  Today we were told that even being out in the lobby, she was too loud and we must move into the cry room. 

even crying, this girl is a beloved child of God

How are we to teach her appropriate Mass behavior in the cry room?  There are no kneelers there, the windows are more like mirrors that one can barely see through because of the reflection, and there are not other people around us for her to see as an example.  In addition, when we were told to go to the cry room, no one came with us to tell us where the knob was to turn on the sound or to tell us how to get out since the door between the cry room and the church automatically locks.  I felt very unwelcome and contemplated just leaving Mass because we were essentially told that our family can only take part in the Mass if we were locked away in another room. 

I'm not writing this to complain on our behalf, but instead on the behalf of other parents of young babies and toddlers.   How is it that the Church constantly talks about the dignity of the human person and the defense of the unborn, but once those precious children are born, they are not welcome at Mass as babies and toddlers?  This is inconsistent with Church teaching.  Christ did not say to only allow the little children to come to him if they were old enough to be quiet and behave at all times.  David and I are devout Catholics and would never leave the Church for any reason, including the unwelcoming comments of fellow Catholics.  The Church is comprised of sinners and I can't fault Her for their human failings.  But there are many other parents out there that may become so discouraged that they seek a local Protestant church that shows the love of Christ to all its members, including those that are young and noisy and an "inconvenience".  (I will fully admit that Protestant churches are much better at welcoming young families and providing support and ministries for them.  We have a lot to learn from our Protestant brothers and sisters.)  It's not uncommon for Catholics to stop going to Mass for years altogether when their children are young because they don't receive support from the Church community.

I never understood why so many Catholics don't follow the church's teachings on contraception, but I feel like I am beginning to understand why many Catholic women use birth control and have the same 2.3 children as the rest of our modern society.  They think that if they do follow the Church's teachings by using NFP* and only postponing pregnancy when they have a serious reason to do so (and therefore having larger families), they won't receive anything but nasty comments from the parishioners, volunteers, and staff alike and they are banished to the cry room.  Many churches don't bring meals after a baby is born or have mothers groups (or mothers days out) for struggling moms with young children.  This is a shame, considering the view of the Church that children are incredible blessings from God!  We need to put our time (and money) behind our convictions.

I believe that every pastor should put a policy in place that dictates exactly how parents of small children should be treated in a welcoming manner (and all church staff and volunteers should be made aware of this policy).  Also, it should be announced to the parishioners that the Mass is for all Catholics, even the smallest among them, and that one way they can show the love of Christ is by tolerating noise from small children who are every bit a part of the Catholic Church as they are.  Of course, a crying baby should be taken to the lobby (and I don't think I've ever seen a parent who hasn't done this) but a young one who is more moderately fussing or babbling (or a toddler talking about Mass!) should not have to leave.  Parishioners should be able to handle a little bit of crying from out in the lobby without banishing the family to the cry room.  Mass is not about comfort or lack of inconvenience, it's about Christ and I hardly think He would approve of His little children being treated the way they are. 

Not all churches are like this.  Our parish is generally very welcoming to small children, although it doesn't have ministries in place for young families.  (I hope to work with our priest this summer to change that.)  Is your church (Catholic or not) welcoming to young families?  What exactly do they do that makes you feel welcome there?  What ministries do they offer?  How to members act toward your disruptive little ones?  I'd love to hear your experiences and ideas!

*Natural Family Planning (NFP) is scientifically proven to be as effective as most forms of birth control in preventing pregnancy, however, there is still a common misconception that NFP is the same as the old rhythm method that is not very reliable.  Therefore many women think that if they use NFP they are destined to have a large family.  That's not the case (unless they do in fact want a large family!).  There are many methods of NFP and while none of them work for all women, there is a method that will work for each woman.  Find out more about NFP here.